Apr 21 2018
Standing sex is its own subcategory of boning. There are multiple positions you can employ while you’re both pretty much vertical. You can even standing sixty-nine if you want. It’s a nice way to spice up an old favorite, and in that sense, it’s very much like hot sauce. However, incorporating actual hot sauce into any standing sex position is not recommended. Here’s what guys won’t tell you about it.
1. It’s the perfect sex position if he had to skip the gym this morning. Having good sex is difficult enough. Having good sex while supporting the body weight of another gyrating human being is like… extreme sex.
2. It’s more for show. This position is really to impress you (and to some degree, himself). It’s about the fanfare. Like when restaurants bring out shrimp cocktail with dry ice. It’s still just shrimp, but it looks cool.
3. He got the idea from porn. Like most sex positions that aren’t entirely practical, he definitely saw this somewhere else first.
4. It makes him feel like a badass. Dude is like some strong-ass viking peak-era Vin Diesel/current-era Chris Pratt guy holding you up like this.
5. Getting you up against a wall is awkward for short guys. Or average-height guys with tall women. Or tall men with taller women.
6. You’re all kinds of sweaty and slippery. It makes it even tougher to keep a hold on you.
7. He knows if he drops you, sex is over. No one is going to want to continue with a bruised tailbone.
8. He’s sticking close to the bed for a reason. You know, just in case he suddenly needs to toss you onto the bed before his back seizes up.
9. Standing doggy-style is easier on the knees. All the fun of doggy style, with none of the rugburn.
10. It’s the most covert position if you’re having sex anywhere you’re not supposed to be. Public bathroom stalls and changing rooms really benefit from making it look like there’s only one person in there. It’s a stealthy option if, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have sex in a place like that. Also, don’t have sex in a place like that.
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